Romantically Challenged by Sami Lukis

Author:Sami Lukis
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Non-Fiction
ISBN: 9781743772836
Publisher: Penguin Random House Australia

One the greatest romances of my life is travel. I feel an urge, actually a longing, to pack my bags, get on a plane and explore someplace new as often as I possibly can. I’d visit every single country in this lifetime, if time and money allowed. Blame it on my wandering soul.

And possibly the fact that I find it much easier to get laid overseas. I’ve become quite the expert at the old ‘holiday fling’. They really are truckloads of fun. Social media has made it much easier for us to keep in touch with our holiday flings these days but I always think the best way to enjoy an overseas rendezvous with a hot foreigner is to remember the golden rule, which is simply to ‘enjoy it for what it is’. (I had to learn this the hard way with my American marine.)

What happens on holiday really is best left on holiday.

I’ve had quite a few memorable interactions abroad, like that time I unknowingly slept with an armed robber in Honolulu. I place the blame for this, quite firmly, on Gusband Tim. Who willingly let me do it. Aloha!

Bizarre things happen to Tim and me in Hawaii. The first time we holidayed on the island of Oahu, we noticed that people were looking at us strangely everywhere we went. Strolling down the main drag of Waikiki, stuffing our faces at the Cheesecake Factory, or sipping mai tais at the RumFire bar during happy hour. It didn’t matter where we were. People would clock us, stare intently at Tim for a moment, glance across at me, then back to Tim, before looking away awkwardly. As if they’d looked at something that might scar them for life if they stared at it for too long.

At first, I assumed they were just trying to work out if Tim and I were a couple, as folks often do. But this was different. Rather than just acknowledging the lucky cougar and her aesthetically pleasing toy boy, these folks appeared to be so stunned by the age gap that they had to look away in embarrassment, like it was some kind of reverse Anna Nicole Smith situation. I was quite offended, to be honest. Sure, I’m thirteen years older than Gusband, but I swear to god I don’t look it.

The mystery was solved on day three, when some random guy at happy hour told us he was blown away by how much Tim looked like a famous American athlete named Tom Brady. ‘I swear you’re his Awwzzie twin,’ the guy shouted at Tim before shouting us another round of drinks.

Tom Brady is a household name in America. He’s a star quarter-back superbowl champion and one of the best footballers in the country. Oh, and he also happens to be married to the she’s-so-freakin’-gorgeous-it-hurts-to-look-at-her supermodel Gisele Bündchen.

We googled the guy immediately and realised that Gusband does, in fact, bear an uncanny resemblance to Tom Brady. I, on the other hand, couldn’t pass as Gisele’s distant cousin’s mother.

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